heads&tales Archives A | April 2007 - June 2007




By L. ‘ManongNoy’ Seņeres         Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Tall tale, tall order

Deaf-mute detainee escapes
from Caloocan jail – Philippine Star

Some Caloocan jail guards must be blind.

*    *    *

Party-list group backs gay candidate
for Congress – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Sanlakas is supporting Ateneo professor Danton Remoto. He or she . . . or whatever . . . is running for Congress to represent the third district of Quezon City.

*    *    *

Gov't gives up bid to post
surplus by '09 – Philippine Daily Inquirer

However, the Arroyo government still appears to be on track to either maintain or exceed current levels of graft and corruption.

*    *    *

Pasig bans students from computer shops
during school hours
Philippine Daily Inquirer

That's after the City Council and Mayor Vicente Eusebio probably reached a consensus that gaming and porn do not quite fall under the 'research materials' category.

*    *    *

Solon slams gov’t diversion of local
intel funds for election campaign – Daily Tribune

Not very smart on the part of DILG Sec Ronnie Puno . . . who could end up being this election year's version of Jocjoc Bolante.

*    *    *

Trillanes: Gloria bent on cheating in May – Malaya

So, what else is knew, Captain?

*    *    *

AFP says ‘renegade’ MNLF group defanged – Malaya

ARMED Forces chief Gen. Hermogenes Esperon Jr. needs to explain to us civilians . . . especially to a certain senator who comes from showbiz . . . exactly how this ‘defanging’ was accomplished when it was also disclosed that government troops are still in hot pursuit operations against the group of MNLF leader Habier Malik.

*    *    *

Areas assigned to poll officials – Manila Bulletin

Five commissioners have been assigned areas or regions to supervise before, during and after the elections “to ensure fast and accurate decisions” . . . hopefully not including the ‘Hello Garci’ kind.

*    *    *

Gringo not replacing weakest link in TU – Manila Times

So Chavit Singson, Vic Magsaysay, Cesar Montano and Jamalum Kiram are still the top contenders for 'bottomnotcher'

*    *    *

Bulacan congresswoman faces
graft raps over fertilizer scam

Bulacan Rep. Reylina Nicolas obviously got it the other way around on the 40% 'going rate' for kickbacks.

She's being charged with pocketing P3 million in congressional funds . . . in return for 'spending' P5 million on fertilizers.

*    *    *

Omar Cruz quits as national treasurer – ABS-CBN News

He is quitting “for family reasons”, according to a Department of Finance spokesperson . . . which is another way of saying “for health reasons”. Neither usually applies when what the official really wants to say is, “I've had it up to here!”

*    *    *

Military to act as poll watchdog – ABS-CBN News

Which is rather alarming when one recalls how Gen. Esperon was rewarded with a promotion from 2 stars to 4 stars and named the military's current 'big dog'.


Tall tale, tall order

Just as soon as the official campaign period for this year's elections kicked off less than 3 months ago, Prospero Pichay and a number of other senatorial candidates running on the administration's Team Unity (TU) ticket predicted that they would beat their Genuine Opposition (GO) opponents handily. The final tally, some of them confidently predicted, would be 12-0. Which was . . . and still is . . . hard to believe in light of all available polling data from SWS, Ibon and other survey organizations then and now. Not to mention simple common sense.

But Pichay, et. al., took great pains to explain that only the administration has the machinery to deliver on such a fearless forecast.

With less than a month before election day, it has become quite clear what their definition of 'machinery' means exactly. And it's no longer just simple vote buying and organized cheating.

One of the first clues surfaced recently when TU senatorial bet Chavit Singson reportedly gathered Barangay chairs in Metro Manila at the Manila Yacht Club where he announced that if he turns up in the top 6 in any Barangay, its chair would receive a P50,000 'bonus'. If you think that borders on vote-buying or making monetary donations . . . which is also illegal . . . Justice Sec Raul Gonzales apparently disagrees. Si Raul, the man who is most expected to uphold our laws, announced over the weekend that he will hand over a P10,000 cash 'reward'  to each Barangay chair who effects a 12-0 outcome for TU. The offer is good only throughout Iloilo, his home province, but the potential total sum is still big bucks.

With 'performance-based incentives' like these, we shouldn't be surprised if even Mike Defensor does not come up short . . . despite his dismal polling numbers . . . and ends up firmly among the top 12.

Exit interview*

Long after her term ended, a former president died of natural causes and knocked on the Pearly Gates. "Who is it?" inquired St. Peter.

"It's me, Gloria"

"Before I can let you in, let's talk about terrible things that you did on earth."

Gloria thought a bit and answered, "Well, I went back on my word not to run in 2004 but I don't want to call it lying. During the campaign period for that presidential election, I instructed a certain Garcillano to manipulate the results in Mindanao in order to assure me of victory but I don't want to call it cheating. And about that 'secret bank account' in Germany that Alan Cayetano was talking about, can we forget about it?

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's what I'll do. I'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but I won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but I won't call it 'eternity.' And about waiting 'until Hell freezes over', forget about it.

*A heads&tales AnecJoke(tm)   Other AnecJokes are here

Please direct your comments or feedback to: newswealth@usa.com

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

No-impeach pitch

Pastors struggle to believe Oreta’s
transformation – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Nope, the reverends don't expect Ninoy’s sis to be a better 'dancer'.

*    *    *

Cheaper, LPG-run jeepneys out by 2008 – Malaya

What wonderful news! And potentially a win-win-win-win situation. As everyone knows, LPG-fueled engines are smokeless and toxic emissions-free. The brand-new jeepneys will be lighter and therefore cheaper to run. At today’s fuel prices, LPG costs only P21/liter versus P32/liter for diesel . . . which could drop pamasahe by at least P1.

*    *    *

8 senatorial bets get militant partylist
groups’ nod – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Even before this endorsement, all eight candidates were already seen as sure winners . . . which is also how the Iglesia ni Cristo and El Shaddai seem to pick those who are listed on their ‘official’ sample ballots that are finalized very close to election day.

*    *    *

“Gag me, no Iloilo rally for TEAM Unity”,
Gonzalez warns – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Which proves that si Raul is no TEAM player.

*    *    *

GMA to AFP, PNP: Stop violence – Philippine Star

Does anybody know why it looks like police and military brass must wait for orders from GMA to do something about the spate of election-related killings? Or are Press Sec Bunye and his drumbeaters just trying to look busy . . . doing nothing?

*    *    *

BF Homes residents to Aguirre family:
Give way to Maynilad – Philippine Star

The Aguirre family developed BF Homes. But they’re all wet for standing in the way of Maynilad’s offer to serve the BF residents . . . most of whom have had to draw potable water with their own deep-well pumps for the past 2 decades.

*    *    *

All hearsay in NAIA ‘escort job’ case – Philippine Star

But of course! Did anybody really expect PNP investigators to round up any witnesses that would incriminate their fellow cops?

*    *    *

Non-salary benefits to be unveiled
by Arroyo – Manila Standard Today

That’s probably why Metro Manila was again on high alert yesterday . . . bracing for one of those ‘Show me the money!’ rallies on Labor Day.

*    *    *

DoJ chief wants Ping jailed in US for spy plot – Malaya

It would be interesting how seriously the US government would take Raul Gonzalez’s rather delayed allegations, seeing as how the DoJ chief is clearly just trying to get back at Sen. Ping . . . for charging that Gonzalez is now in the wholesale vote-buying business.

*    *    *

FG out of hospital, told to relax told to relax – Malaya

Welcome news . . . especially to Kampi’s local candidates who reportedly complained that campaign funds dried up while the FG was hospitalized.

*    *    *

Solons: Find Jonas Burgos; AFP: We don’t have him – Malaya

Well, can our solons at least persuade the AFP to release the complete list of those that they ‘have’?

*    *    *

Labor rejects Arroyo’s gift – Philippine Daily Inquirer

That usually happens when the present turns out to be an empty box.


No-impeach pitch

A short while back, former Sen. Ernie Maceda . . . a major opposition figure . . . gave Pres. Arroyo some unsolicited advice.

From what I can recall, Manong Ernie said, “If I were you, I would focus on your congressional candidates.” He was clearly pointing out to GMA that it was disingenuous for the administration to try for a 12-0 sweep of the senatorial contest because all recent surveys have shown that no more than 4 or 5 TEAM Unity bets . . .in a best case scenario . . . would likely make it to the Magic 12.

But GMA must have taken Manong Ernie’s pitch seriously . . . and it’s difficult to guess if the venerable pol had considered an unintended ‘side effect’ of his tip . . . because it now appears to be the consensus that the administration’s Kampi and Lakas candidates are expected to win more than two-thirds of the seats in the Lower House.

This consensus is reportedly shared by Horacio ‘Boy’ Morales and other GO strategists, who now realize that mounting another impeachment bid against GMA would hardly be doable in the new Congress.


Music to his heirs*

One sunny day in the early part of 2011, an old man and two teenagers approached the Palace from across Mendiola Bridge and . . . showing his ID to a PSG at the checkpoint . . . said, "We would like to go in and talk to President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo."

The PSG replied, "Sir, Mrs. Arroyo is no longer President and does not live here anymore."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away with his companions . . . back across Mendiola Bridge towards C. M. Recto.

The following day, it was raining and the same man . . . accompanied by two other teenagers . . . stopped by the same checkpoint and said to the same PSG, "We would like to go in and meet with First Gentleman Mike Arroyo".

The PSG remembered the old man but was courteous enough to tell him, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Arroyo is no longer President so Atty. Mike Arroyo does not hold office here any more."

The old man thanked him again and walked away with the teenagers.

The third day, it was raining even harder but the same old man . . . with two other teen-aged companions . . . stopped at the same checkpoint and spoke again to the very same PSG, saying "We would like to go in and meet with President Gloria and First Gentleman Mike"

The PSG . . . understandably irritated at this point . . . looked at the old man and said, "Sir, do you realize that for the past two days you have been here asking to see either Gloria Arroyo or Mike Arroyo? Do you not understand that they are no longer in power? Do you not understand that they do not live in the Palace anymore?”

The old man smiled and answered, "Oh, I understand you very well. I just like hearing your answer . . . and I wanted all my grandchildren to know that they can now look forward to a better future."

The PSG snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Sir, see you tomorrow!"

*A heads&tales AnecJoke(tm)  More AnecJokes are here

Friday, May 11, 2007

Junked bonds

Korean woman claims marriage, child
with Pampanga gov – Philippine Daily Inquirer

All of a sudden, it has become a three-cornered gubernatorial contest between a Father, a mother and a father. . . more or less.

*    *    *

Mother Lily: Lito miscast as
Makati mayor – Philippine Daily Inquirer

Mother Lily should have warned us earlier that news videos of Lapid as senator would need English sub-titles!

*    *    *

DoTC told to explain $329-m deal – Manila Standard Today

Who’s the DoTC official who’s trying to take the public for a ride?

*    *    *

Diesel prices to stay despite
biofuel blend – Manila Standard Today

But of course. Blending just 1 percent biodiesel with regular diesel is hardly a reason to raise the price, even though biodiesel is slightly more expensive to make.

*    *    *

GMA turns tail, retreats – Daily Tribune

Whoever talked GMA into suspending Mayor Binay very close to election day should undergo a lobotomy.

*    *    *

Doctors advise Mike Arroyo: See
no evil, hear no evil – Philippine Daily Inquirer

In short, be deaf and blind . . . as far as Ping Lacson and Alan Peter Cayetano are concerned.

*    *    *

Gutierrez: No Palace hand in Binay case – Manila Times

Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez should really have that lobotomy . . . if she wants to say that her conscience is ‘clear’.

*    *    *

Retired generals warn of
plot to hijack 14M votes – Malaya

Can the old soldiers reign in one of their former junior officers . . . now Armed Forces chief Gen. Hermogenes Esperon Jr. . . . who has reportedly set ‘Oplan Mercury Rising’ in motion?

*    *    *

Recto to Palace: Keep hands off Makati fight – Malaya

Mr. Vilma Santos’ is clearly trying not lose support in vote-rich Makati, which can safely now be expected to heavily favor Mayor Binay’s GO senatoriables.

*    *    *

DENR: Burgos kidnap vehicle is with Army – Malaya

It now looks like the military should stop the song and dance and start telling the public about the whereabouts of the late Joe Burgos’ son.

*    *    *

Only 1 forest guard for every 4,000 ha – Philippine Daily Inquirer

The ratio looks laughable, but the DENR should take a serious look at using small unmanned aircraft . . . similar to the type used by the US military in Afghanistan and Iraq . . . to take photos of the forest cover in critical areas and compare the shots taken at regular intervals.


Junked bonds

As the saying goes, “There are no friends in politics . . . only temporary allies.”

In the run-up to the elections on Monday, this is once again proving to be true as some senatorial bets on both the Genuine Opposition and TEAM Unity tickets have reportedly set aside whatever bonds of unity they had started with and have supposedly junked some of their partymates. Aside from previous reports of GO guest candidate Manny Villar dropping a number of his running mates in favor of his Wednesday Group buddies on the TU side, there’s talk that some of Loren Legarda’s sample ballots up north do not include the names of Ping Lacson and Manny Villar.

And who are the latest ‘junkers’ and ‘junkees’? Mike Defensor has reportedly dropped Chavit Singson in favor of Gringo Honasan . . . which has triggered a tit-for-tat reaction from Singson; Ping Lacson supporting Kapatiran party candidate Zosimo Paredes and independent Gringo Honasan . . . his PMA Class 1971 ‘mistahs’; Alan Peter Cayetano plugging independent Kiko Pangilinan and Ang Kapatiran bets Martin Bautista, Zosimo Paredes and Adrian Sison.

Loren’s move . . . if at all true . . . makes the best sense: This early, she may have started the process of eliminating her strongest possible opponents for the 2010 presidential contest.


Piss be with you*

A man walked into an insurance agency in Marikina and applied for a job.

"Sorry, we have no vacancy," the manager told him.

"You cannot afford not to hire me. I can sell anybody anything any time.", the man boasted.

"Well, we have two prospects that nobody in this office has been able to convince. If you can insure just one of them, you will have a job here."

The applicant was gone for about two hours and when he returned he had two checks . . . one for a P1,000,000 policy and another for a P500,000 policy.

"You’re very good! How in the world did you do that?" the manager asked in disbelief.

"I told you I'm the world's best salesman.”

"Did you get a urine sample from each of them?" the manager asked him.

What urine sample?" he asked.

"Well, when you sell at least a P500,000 policy, the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get their urine samples."

He was gone for almost 5 hours but when he returned, he had 2 gallon-sized plastic bottles . . . one in each hand . . . that were full of what looked like urine. He set the big bottles down, reached in his shirt pocket, produced 2 smalls bottles of urine, set them on the manager’s desk and said, "Here's Mr. Alcantara's and this one is Mr. Bacalso's."

"OK," the boss said, "but what made you think we needed more than a small bottle from each of them?"

"Well, I passed by the high school on the way back and there was a teachers’ meeting so I sold them a group policy!"

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. Other AnecJokes are here

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

It’s all over but the shooting

Senate going to the dogs, Miriam sniffs - Manila Standard Today

As a point of fact, the Senate already has lap dogs that are fiercely loyal . . . rightly or wrongly . . . to the Palace and it takes one to sniff out the others.

*    *    *

Team Unity says worst-case scenario is 8-3-1 - Philippine Daily Inquirer

The TU spokesman is either hallucinating or has admitted that GO can no longer be stopped. 

*    *    *

ABS-CBN profit more than doubles in Q1 - Philippine Star

Thanks to Butch Pitchay, Mike Defensor, Tito Sotto and Chavit Singson who bought tens of millions worth of political ads but stand to ‘profit’ if they can get into the Magic 12.

*    *    *

GMA fuming mad, makes many phone calls - Daily Tribune

None of those calls were presumably made to Garci . . . who himself has conceded defeat in his absurd quest to become a congressman from Bukidnon.

*    *    *

Comelec disqualifies KBL’s Joselito Cayetano - Philippine Daily Inquirer

Great! But why did it have to take the Comelec 6 pages to say that the fake ‘Peter’ Cayetano didn’t have the dough nor the donuts to wage a nationwide campaign?

*    *    *

Gov't spends millions on military helicopters - Philippine Star

DND boss Hermogenes Ebdane wanted to spend $100 milliion. . . a nice round figure that seems to have been plucked out of thin air . . . for the acquisition of second-hand choppers.

To her credit, GMA instructed Ebdane to buy brand-new units instead, perhaps fearing that the usual overpricing would be far too easy on so-called ‘reconditioned’ helicopters. Which still begs the question: Why not start with exactly how many and what type of choppers the AFP wants to buy and a corresponding proposed budget, instead of a $100 million . . . yes, that’s about P5 billion . . . round figure?

*    *    *

NBI nabs Comelec exec for extortion - Philippine Star

Comelec Region 7 supervisor Manuel Advincula is apparently no ‘Garci’. He was caught receiving a measly P50,000 from a congressional candidate.

*    *    *

Customs misses revenue target - Philippine Star

Which is not news, considering that it was an open secret at Customs that top officials there had been in ‘fund-raising mode’ in the past couple of months . . . for the election war chest of the powers that be.

*    *    *

Prefab TU ERs stashed in 396 ballot boxes bared - Daily Tribune

Here’s an idea for a new reality TV show: ERs . . . After and Before

*    *    *

Good weather, no blackout on May 14 - ABS CBN News

If the authorities can guarantee no blackouts on election day, one begins to wonder if those power outages in the past . . . just when the ballots where being tallied . . . were really ‘accidental’.

*    *    *

ERs in hands of poll cheats exposed - Daily Tribune

Which would make it a breeze for so-called ‘operators’ to switch actual election returns with pre-fabricated ones . . . accent on ‘fabricated’.

*    *    *

Malacaņang’s kill-Trillanes plot uncovered - Daily Tribune

There was supposedly ‘Oplan Alan’ . . . named after Trillanes’ deceased son . . . that was to target the GO senatorial candidate for assassination when he went to Caloocan to cast his vote but this sounds like the handiwork of a sharp publicist to draw last-minute attention to the detained officer’s candidacy.

*    *    *

Cayetano seeks separate vote count;
Comelec scored for confusion - Daily Tribune

The Comelec has a lot to explain why its en banc decision to declare Joselito ‘Pepito’ Cayetano a nuisance candidate was only handed down Thursday night . . . which maintained the status quo that all votes for ‘Cayetano’ be declared as stray ballots.

*    *    *

Darlene ready to KO Pacman as GenSan lead widens - Daily Tribune

That would be one less legislator who . . . like Sen. Lito Lapid . . . would have needed an interpreter to participate in proceedings.


It’s all over but the shooting

It’s two days after Elections 2007 and we should have a fairly good idea in the next few days as to who won and . . . since no candidate ever accepts defeat gracefully in Philippine elections . . . who were ‘cheated’.

Expect some ‘miracles’ when the final tally comes in. A ‘religious’ figure who must fancy himself as the country’s foremost political kingmaker will figure prominently in some noteworthy surprises. This charlatan . . . in his usual segurista style . . . usually picks the frontrunners a week before election day for the sample ballot that goes out for distribution to his claimed millions of followers all over the country. What is curious about his senatorial ‘endorsements’ this time, however, is his inclusion of two candidates that are quite unlikely to make it to the Magic 12 . . . judging from their poor standings in the most recent pre-election surveys . . . without the post-election intervention of Comelec ‘operators’. Which leads one not to rule out the possibility that our ‘Bro.’ was ‘persuaded’ by the duo to endorse them in order to ‘pre-sanitize’ the dirty tricks that would have to be employed in order for them to win seats in the Senate. After all, these big spenders can always point to their inclusion in the ‘Anointed 12’ as the clincher in their individual ‘wins’.

In the meantime, ongoing election-related violence has led one foreign observer to say, “This is worse than Afghanistan”.

Next week: Read all about how one party-list group will sail to victory . . . but has dumped its greedy shipowner overboard!



When Erap was still president, he invited a visiting British preacher to accompany him on a trip to Cebu. After the plane was airborne, a flight attendant came around for drink orders.

President Erap asked for a whiskey & soda, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the preacher if he, too, would like a drink.

The preacher replied in disgust, "Madam, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch my lips!"

Hearing that, President Erap quickly handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I did not know there was a choice. Can I have what he's having?"

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. More AnecJokes are here.

Wednesday, May 23 2007

The winning loser

Priest pulls upset in Pampanga - Malaya

Certainly the most upset is ex-’sure winner’ Lilia Pineda . . . wife of reported ‘jueteng icon’ Bong Pineda . . . who must have spent tons of cash on her gubernatorial campaign.

But the smarter Pampangos decided to bet on Fr. Ed Panlilio anyway.

*    *    *

Namfrel: “We mistook La Union for
Maguindanao” - Philippine Daily Inquirer

Namfrel is now headed by a man named Go . . . which is why he should be careful not to look like he’s working for TU.

*    *    *

Duterte retains control of
Davao City - Philippine Daily Inquirer

Re-elected Mayor Rodrigo Duterte will serve a fresh 3-year term with a new Vice Mayor. His daughter Sarah, in her very first venture into politics, bested Jeff Ho, the only other candidate for Vice Mayor. 

Jeff who?

*    *    *

Chiz, Alan almost lose 100T Zambales votes - Malaya

These are clearly brazen attempts at ‘dagdag-bawas’ . . . despite Charman Abalos’ spin that ‘manifest errors’ can happen.

*    *    *

Binay Wins Mayoralty Race
despite Political Harassment - Bulatlat

Mayor Jojo actually won due to political harassment.

*    *    *

Palace to Bro. Mike: Thanks but
no thanks - Philippine Daily Inquirer

If the Palace does not feel obligated to listen to Mr. Velarde’s advice for GMA to forget about charter change, it can only be due to his half-hearted endorsement of TU’s senatorial ticket.

*    *    *

Poll staff filled up Maguindanao ballots - Daily Tribune

That explains the ‘miracle’ of Chavit Singson topping the senatorial tally in that Muslim province.

*    *    *

Signature, thumbmark of minors used
to rig Maguindano polls - Philippine Daily Inquirer

The ‘pre-fab’ ballots were allegedly filled out the night before election day . . . which was quite possibly the only way Maguindanao Gov. Andal Ampatuan could have delivered on his pledged 12-0 TU senatorial sweep.

*    *    *

Pacquiao concedes as Custodio
scores KO - Philippine Daily Inquirer

The boxing champ made the mistake of fighting above his weight class . . . clearly unmindful of the youthful Rep. Darlene Antonino-Custodio’s well-earned gravitas, having been one of the leaders of the Lower House’s efforts to impeach GMA.

*    *     *

Discrepancy adds 100,000
votes to Recto in Davao - ABS-CBN

‘Discrepancy’ now becomes the new English translation for ‘bawas’.



The winning loser

There are three party-list groups that . . . for one reason or another . . . submitted two sets of nominees to the Comelec. At least one of them bears watching, if only to see how the group’s high-profile ‘Godfather’ would try to spin half-expected events that are about to hit the headlines.

There would have been only one set of nominees for this party-list group if only The Godfather had been forthcoming about his decision . . . which was very likely firmed up even before the start of the campaign period . . . not to nominate one of the group’s incumbent representatives for another term. But in his usual opportunistic manner, The Godfather sent the congressman all over the country to campaign . . . until the guy found out from other sources that his usual second slot nomination had been committed to somebody else. In a hastily sought meeting to clarify the matter, The Godfather admitted his deception . . . and dealt the bigger blow that he had actually decided not to include the congressman’s name among his top three nominees! The congressman must have nearly fallen off his chair when he heard The Godfather’s explanation: “Wala na kasing libre ngayon”.

That shocking rationale confirms reliable intel that The Godfather considered some twenty million reasons before giving his third slot to the offspring of a loaded businessman. But what he failed to take into account was that, under the law, the congressman remains the only party official that had authority to sign nominations because the other previously authorized officer had become a government employee . . . having been appointed by President Arroyo to a ‘juicy’ high-profile position at the behest of The Godfather.

That being the case, the congressman . . . who had been his party’s moving spirit and workhorse because the other representative had earned a well-deserved membership in the Silence Committee . . . promptly formed a new set of his own nominees and submitted this to Comelec. On the other hand, The Godfather’s illegal list of nominees was received at Comelec days later, barely beating the deadline.

The Comelec has announced that it would render a decision on conflicting sets of nominees after the concerned party list group has actually won at least one seat.

Would the Palace intervene if pressured by The Godfather? Not when it knows that that the winning legal nominees would be firmly in GMA’s corner whenever she needs their votes at any juncture as she pursues her own congressional agenda. In short, kowtowing to The Godfather would no longer be imperative for the Palace.

Meanwhile, based on the latest Comelec figures, The Godfather’s creation is on track to win more than one seat In Congress. Watch the self-inflicted spectacle of The Godfather winning but losing at the same time.


Very Important Pope*

During his first visit to Manila, Pope John Paul II told the Papal Nuncio that he was fascinated by the colorful owner-type jeeps and wished he could drive one for a few minutes at the end of the day. The Vatican’s ambassador promptly arranged to borrow one that the pope would drive after dinner. 

Getting behind the wheel, the pope requested the jeep’s owner to take the back seat as a Vatican security man sat on the front seat.

They were traveling down Taft Avenue at between 80 and 100 kph when a traffic cop happened to see them. After he stopped the jeep, he immediately knew that he had an unusual situation so decided to call headquarters to report an over-speeding violation involving a VIP..

The traffic cop’s sergeant asked: "Who is the VIP, a congressman?"
The cop told him: "No, somebody more important than a congressman."

Then sergeant asked "Is the VIP a senator?"
The traffic cop answered: "No, someone more important than a senator."

The sergeant finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The cop answered: "No, somebody even more important than the President."

This made the sergeant angry and he shouted: "Now, who is more important than the President?!"

The cop calmly whispered: "I don't know who this guy is, but he has Pope John Paul as his driver."

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. More AnecJokes are here.

Wednesday, May 30 2007

Wasteful thinking

Why ‘Igorot vote’ didn’t work in
Baguio City - Philippine Daily Inquirer

There’s very little you can hide in a g-string?

*    *    *

Hanjin clinches orders for at
least 9 ships - Philippine Daily Inquirer

Hanjin Heavy Industries and Construction Corp. has booked orders that
add up to around $950 million just barely a month after the Korean firm
opened its Subic shipbuilding facilities . . . a great feat in any language!

*    *    *

Senate ranking still fluid,
Comelec says - Manila Standard Today

Meanwhile, there's no doubt that certain Garci-type Comelec officials have become quite liquid.

*    *    *

Crack seen in Kampi fight for
House speakership - ABS-CBN News

Someone has to be doing crack to think that it would be a cakewalk to
sideline JdV, the ultimate alliance builder.

*    *    *

Pimentel says he lost 230,000 votes to ‘barbers’ - Malaya

Koko Pimentel should have said he was victimized by 'vulcanizers' . . .
that did not shave any of his votes in North Cotabato but did inflate
Migz Zubiri's by some 175,000.

*    *    *

Rich representing the poor - Manila Standard Today

Poor us.

*    *    *

Lacson protests zero votes in Maguindanao - Daily Tribune

Ping has every right to point out that's impossible because he placed
third in that province in the 2004 presidential election . . . unless the tens
of thousands who voted for him then have all died.

*    *    *

JdV’s 5th Speakership bid challenged - Daily Tribune

The sneaky Kampi president Louie Villafuerte was actually being
candid with Joe de Venecia when he assured JdV that he would not
challenge him for the speakership of the next Congress. What
Villafuerte did not tell JdV was that plans were already afoot to try and replace him with instant Speaker-wannabe Pablo Garcia of Cebu, another Kampi stalwart.

*    *    *

Chief Maguindanao poll overseer resigns - Malaya

Comelec Commissioner Rene Sarmiento cited 'health reasons' . . . which is very smart of him. After all, his health could have quickly deteriorated had he actually crossed swords with the datu gov of Maguindanao.

*    *    *

DOJ junks slay raps vs Boratong;
PNP shocked - Philippine Daily Inquirer

Sec. Raul Gonzales had better have a plausible explanation for
dropping murder charges against the reported owner of the Pasig
open air shabu market whose men supposedly caught the victim with a
camera inside the compound before it was shut down by cops last year.

*    *    *

Sarmiento lodges trust on Garci’s
boy for ERs safekeeping - Daily Tribune

That’s probably for ‘health reasons’, too.

*    *    *

3 officers, 2 soldiers deny involvement on Burgos - Malaya

That leaves scores of other Army personnel under the command of that suspended colonel as prime suspects.

*    *    *

Chief Maguindanao poll
overseer resigns - Manila Standard Today

Having cited ‘health reasons’, Rene Sarmiento should resign as Comelec commissioner as well. Especially after being caught lying . . . on live national TV by ABS-CBN’s Ricky Carangdang . . . about ‘relocating’ ER forms to his hotel room.

*    *    *

Arroyo told fraud to spark crisis - Philippine Daily Inquirer

The good news for the Palace: The manifesto penned by the GO 11 stopped short of again calling Pres. Arroyo a fraud.


Wasteful thinking

Kampi president Luis Villafuerte probably knows that his chances of becoming Speaker are about as good as spotting a wild tamarao in Palawan. In short, zero. So he’s trying to position himself as the power behind the throne by fielding Pablo Garcia, a returning congressman from Cebu, to try and thwart Joe de Venecia’s plans to keep the Speaker’s chair for a fifth term.

But it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out Villafuerte’s game plan. Quite simply, his obvious target is the chairmanship of the powerful Appropriations Committee where he could place at Kampi’s effective control the billions that would be required to grease the party’s expected resurrection of efforts to amend the Constitution . . . with the primary purpose of keeping GMA in the Palace even after her current term as President ends.

JdV has been known to commit the chairmanship of certain important committees to two or three people just to clinch crucial support but can Villafuerte, with only about Kampi 60 seats when the new Congress convenes, beat Speaker Joe at his own game?

I think it’s a waste of everybody’s time and even before the smoke clears, I would file that under Wishful Thinking.


Left to resign*

After he suddenly quit his assignment as chairman of Task Force Maguindano for “reasons of health”, Comelec Commissioner Rene Sarmiento was left with no recourse but to undergo a complete medical checkup that included a high-tech MRI brain scan.

As the brain scan results were immediately available, the doctor said: "Mr. Commissioner, I have some bad news for you. First, are you aware that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side?"

Sarmiento interrupted, "Well, that's normal, isn't it? I thought anybody’s brain would have two sides."

The doctor replied, "That's true, Mr. Commissioner. But your brain is very very unusual because on the left side there isn't anything right, while on the right side there isn't anything left."

An AnecJoke(tm) feature of heads&tales(tm)

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Tol comes up short

Comelec sacks 3 poll operators in hiding - Daily Tribune

The same 3 poll operators must have a lot to hide.

*    *    *

It’s down to Koko, Migz - Malaya

Unless those ‘magical’ Maguindanao votes are included, I’m betting that Migz . . . will go down for the count.

*    *    *

Kampi ditches Villafuerte for JDV - ABS-CBN News

That happens to people with big mouths but small brains.

*    *    *

PCGG welcomes Congressman-elect
Ferdinand Marcos Jr.’s plan to testify vs taipan
Lucio Tan on alleged ill-gotten wealth - Manila Bulletin

It looks like Cong. Bongbong is just getting started . . . and it’s not entirely impossible that his next target is the ‘Don’ that’s running this broadsheet.

*    *    *

Palace: Gringo, Trillanes wins not a protest vote - Malaya

File this under ‘Whistling in the dark . . . trying not to be afraid’.

*    *    *

BIR: Almost half of Manila
businesses not paying taxes - GMA TV News

It's possible that almost half of Manila BIR examiners are 'negotiable'.

*    *    *

Why some big ad spenders lost - Malaya

The quick answer: No amount of advertising can sell inferior 'products'.

*    *    *

Army reactivates elite water-borne
troops for Mindanao - Philippine Daily Inquirer

Officers that are on 'floating status' need not apply.

*    *    *

Palace opposes Lacson’s bid
for blue ribbon panel - Daily Tribune

That’s because Sen. Lacson as Blue Ribbon chair can cause never ending sleepless nights for Gloria and Mike Arroyo .

*    *    *

Partial Senate proclamation falls through - Malaya

While Chairman Abalos waits for Palace 'operators' to come through?

*    *    *

Abalos: Enough evidence against Cotabato execs - Malaya

One telling clue: Provincial election supervisors Lilian Radam (South Cotabato) and Yogie Martirizar (North Cotabato) have ignored subpoenas for them to appear in Manila.

*    *    *

GMA: Stop casting RP in bad light - Malaya

Advice that GMA herself can use.

*    *    *

Swiss court unfreezes $4M deposit of FM crony - Malaya

Which would be only petty cash compared to what’s supposedly still out there.


Tol comes up short

Already highly-placed in GMA’s inner circle, he wanted to be called Sen instead of just Sec. So Michael Defensor . . . a former DENR secretary and the President’s chief of staff when he decided that he could be a superstar in the circus that’s Philippine politics . . . campaigned hard and spent hard cash as if he had a bottomless war chest. But he never got beyond being another ‘senatoriable’.

To his credit, Mike was the first to concede defeat . . . clearly all out of hope and perhaps by now hopelessly cashless to even think about ‘operating’ his way into the Magic 12 from his 15th slot position in both the final Namfrel and running Comelec tallies.

In hindsight, this hardworking young man’s biggest political blunder was to hire Boy Abunda, a showbiz talk show host, as his chief campaign strategist. For some reason that perhaps made sense only in Abunda’s universe . . . which is usually so far detached from reality . . . he anchored Mike’s heavy advertising expenditures on projecting the candidate as everybody’s Tol. That’s short for utol, which is Pilipino street slang for ‘brod’.

Abunda’s disingenuous brainchild promptly provoked a flurry of negative Tol txt jokes that required major damage control. After all, what has Michael Defensor actually done to be embraced as a favorite Tol by the underfed and unemployed among the masses? Certainly nothing that would erase nightmarish memories of those disastrous and fatal floods that hit Quezon province as a direct result of virtually unregulated logging in that area when he was DENR secretary . . . during which he reportedly authorized vastly more logging permits than any of his predecessors.


One is better than two*

On his second attempt to become governor of a small province in Mindanao, a candidate was again outspent, ‘out-gooned’ and clearly cheated by the incumbent and . . . as he was walking on a deserted beach while contemplating his fate . . . he found an old bottle. When he rubbed the sand away, a genie suddenly popped out.

"I will grant you three wishes." announced the genie. "But there is one condition because I am a rather generous genie. Here's the condition: For every wish that you make, your political adversary will get the same wish . . . only double."

The man thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I want to recover my campaign expenses so I would like to have 18 million pesos," he announced.

Instantly the genie gave him a Banco de Oro account number and assured the man that P18,000,000 has been deposited in his name. "But the governor has also just received P36,000,000" the genie said.

"I've always wanted a bullet-proof Mercedes Benz," the man said. "That's my second wish."

Instantly a brand new Benz appeared. "But the governor has just received two Benzes exactly like this one." the genie said. "And what is your last wish?"

"Well," said the man, "I've always wanted to donate one of my kidneys.

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. Other AnecJokes are here

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Rene or shine

Freedom Day parade short,
crowd small - Philippine Daily Inquirer

President Arroyo’s speech . . . aside from being short on substance . . . appeared to be shorter than those she has given in past Independence Day celebrations.

*    *    *

Maguindanao Comelec exec
surfaces, claims COCs stolen - GMA News

Provincial elections supervisor Lintang Bedol needs to come up with something else that doesn't sound like a cock and bull story.

*    *    *

JBIC to extend loan for wind farm - The Manila Times

The 30 megawatt Ilocos Norte project that’s being backed by the Japan Bank for International Cooperation would mean at least $6 million in yearly savings on crude oil imports and a lower electric cost of $0.05 a kilowatt-hour for end-users . . . another feather on Ferdinand Marcos Jr.’s cap as he winds up his duties as gov and gets ready to become Cong Bongbong

*    *    *

Maguindanao COCs stolen, Bedol says - Malaya

Garci . . . Bedol’s former boss . . . apparently did not train this man to be a much better liar.

*    *    *

Kenney: Transparency is US
concern on $365M telecom deal - Malaya

US envoy to the Philippines Kristie Kenney is quickly finding out that transparency has become a very very ‘foreign’ word among members of GMA’s inner circle.

That $365M ‘government-to-government’ contract that was awarded to a Chinese company during Pres. Arroyos’s visit there in April is more than twice the $135M offer of an American firm.

*    *    *

Palace tells state firms’ executives to resign - Malaya

Expected to be axed are directors of government-controlled corporations who have been drawing fat salaries and allowances but did nothing to fund and campaign for the Palace’s senatorial candidates.

Guys, the operative phrase is ‘give and take’ . . . not ‘take and take’.

*    *    *

Jalosjos could be pardoned in 3 years - The Manila Times

The former congressman who raped an 11 year old girl must serve at least 23 years of a double life sentence before he can qualify for executive clemency.

It has been only a little over 10 years since Jalosjos was placed behind bars so what’s this about an April 30th Palace order that commutes his 2 life terms?

*    *    *

De Venecia accused of ‘buying’ solons

As it turns out, JdV does not seem to hold exclusive buying options. According to the grapevine, another Speaker wannabe is offering one million pesos each.

*    *    *

Sichuan to invest in solar, wind farms - Malaya

This is hot news at first glance . . . if only the project proponents and the approval authorities would not think it’s ‘SOP’ to jack up the costs to more than twice the original quotes.


Rene or shine

When Rene Sarmiento abruptly quit as head of a team that was tasked to investigate allegations of poll fraud in Maguindanao province where voters supposedly delivered a 12-0 sweep for senatorial bets of Pres. Arroyo under the Team Unity ticket in the May elections, speculations were rife that the man’s instinct for self-preservation prevailed over preserving his reputation as a rarity among Comelec’s commissioners: Some civil society groups had perceived Sarmiento as a straight-shooter.

Commissioner Sarmiento’s decision was perfectly understandable under the prevailing circumstances. After all, he was right smack in the middle of a province where warlords on both ends of the local political spectrum have abundantly shown that they would stop at nothing . . . murder not excluded . . . to ‘zero out’ the other side’s lineup.

In the past few days, however, Rene Sarmiento must have undergone an epiphany because he announced Monday that he is calling for the reinvestigation of the 2004 ‘Hello, Garci’ scandal that allegedly implicated GMA.

It takes an extremely courageous individual to cross swords with the Palace and one hopes for the country’s sake that the commissioner is made of the right stuff. And whatever his motivations are . . . perhaps he just wants to be remembered as a gentleman among scoundrels . . . he might yet get to prove beyond any doubt that he can be counted on to do the right thing in any kind of political weather.


Action star speaks louder than wards*

One day, a senator who is prominent member of the ‘Committee on Silence’ visited an elementary school in his hometown. All the kids were so excited to meet the senator as he is also a showbiz personality.

Upon entering a classroom, he began to quiz some students and asked them to define the word "tragedy."

 "Well," one girl replied, "If a jeepney ran over Aruray, my dog, that would be a tragedy!"

The senator smiled at the little girl and said, "No, that would be an accident! Can anyone else give it another try?"

A little boy sitting way back in the last row raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If a bus driver ran off a cliff on the way to Baguio and killed everyone!"

The senator shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. Senator, if you were in a helicopter and it was hit by lightning and it crashes in flames, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. Other AnecJokes are here

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Won-win situation

Joker, Ping trade insults over
Blue Ribbon, Pidal – Philippine Star

With a trade imbalance that appears to be tilting in favor of Sen. Ping.

*    *    *

Court rules govt can take $8m from
Swiss account – Manila Standard Today

The account holder is Fe Roa Gimenez, a former staffer at the Philippine Consulate in NYC who did double duty as Imelda Marcos’ social secretary whenever she was in town . . . if my recollection is correct . . . but before the PCGG ‘treasure hunters’ start jumping for joy, what they will have access to could turn out to be just the petty cash fund of the ex-First Lady.

*    *    *

2 Comelec execs off to Maguindanao
to verify poll authenticity – Daily Tribune

Watch Abalos and company become even more creative and come up with a new meaning for ‘authentic’.

*    *    *

BIR chief offered envoy post – Philippine Star

Bureau of Internal Revenue Commissioner Jose Mario Buņag resorted to a bit of Pentagonese when he said he would “neither confirm nor deny” reports that an emissary had conveyed a Palace offer of an ambassadorial posting in either Norway or Jordan . . . if he would step aside from his current job.

Will Buņag opt for prestige in lieu of awesome power?

*    *    *

Immigration execs suspended over
foreign prisoner’s escape – Philippine Daily Inquirer

‘Escapes’ like this have become so commonplace that those crooks should have been jailed . . . but that would have pointed the finger of suspicion at higher ups who may have also taken bribes in the process.

*    *    *

Italian govt ready to negotiate
with Bossi's kidnappers – ABS-CBN News

The Italians seem to be ready to give in to the ransom demands of the kidnappers but this could start a very profitable sideline for those bad guys.

*    *    *

Esperon to hide from Trillanes in hearings – Manila Times

The AFP chief may have a lot to hide but the Supreme Court may just decide that his intended hiding place . . . the controversial Palace gag order under EO 464 . . . is preposterous, if not downright unconstitutional.

*    *    *

Army division congratulates Trillanes;
Apostol downplays message – GMA-TV News

In the battle for the hearts and minds of the people, the occasionally mindless . . . like Chief Presidential Legal Counsel Sergio Antonio Apostol . . . cannot expect to win.

*    *    *

Police escorts of poll losers pulled out – Philippine Star

Time for eleven senatorial candidates . . . including Mike Defensor, Butch Pichay, Chavit Singson and Ralph Recto . . . to assess very quickly if they made more friends than enemies during their campaign sorties.

*    *    *

Joker, Ping in word war over
Pidal, PSCO probes – Daily Tribune

The real Pidal must be quaking in his boots at the real prospect of being grilled by the Blue Ribbon Committee with Sen. Ping as chairman . . . with the joker that had protected his interests no longer powerful enough to do the same thing.

*    *    *

US presence aggravating conflict
in Mindanao, says Duterte – Philippine Star

It could get even more aggravating if those pesky Americanos start sniffing around to try and finger who’s behind the shadowy Davao Death Squad.

*    *    *

Military chief to ask judge to rule on
Trillanes detention – Philippine Daily Inquirer

It’s good to see that Gen. Esperon is starting to come to his senses . . . but only upon the prodding of a group of cabinet officials who were concerned that keeping Sen-elect Trillanes in detention would make him an even bigger martyr.


Won win situation

On the surface, Pablo Garcia, the congressman-elect from Cebu who is now better known as the father of GSIS president Winston Garcia, appears to be hell-bent on grabbing the speakership of the next Congress from Jose de Venecia. Behind him however, an expert manipulator in the person of Congressman and Kampi president Luis Villafuerte . . . who does most of the talking whenever both of them guest together on TV and radio talk shows . . stands to gain more than anybody else from the supposed challenge. No matter whoever prevails between Manong Joe and Tio Pabling.

If, due to a lapse on the former’s ability to count, the latter emerges as Speaker, Villafuerte becomes the real power . . . from behind the throne. And if JdV pulls a deja vu by beating Garcia, Villafuerte’s ‘creation’ automatically assumes . . . simply by following House rules . . . the post of Minority Leader.

So, as far is the congressman from Camarines Sur would be concerned, he has already won. What remains to unfold is just a matter of either winning big or winning bigger.


Family tied*

Two friends during their college days had not seen each other since graduation but went on to become nationally-known personalities in their chosen careers. One became a business tycoon while his old buddy became a notorious politician . . . or more accurately, a murderous political warlord.

One weekend, the politician unexpectedly showed up at the inauguration of the tycoon’s latest mega-venture . . . a world-class ecotourism park and resort, complete with a walkway over a swamp inhabited by huge crocodiles.

Ever the competitive one, the politician started to boast that his bodyguard was absolutely fearless and would follow any order from him.

“For example, would your bodyguard obey you if you order him to jump into the middle of those crocodiles down there?” the politician dared his buddy.

The tycoon said he wouldn’t want do anything like that, explaining, “He has a wife and children.”

That was not good enough for the politician, who suddenly yelled “Show them!” at his bodyguard.

The politician’s man was about to leap from the walkway when the tycoon grabbed him and asked, “How did you decide to do such a thing without even thinking?”

'I have a wife and children!'

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. Other AnecJokes are here

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Moro-moro in Maguindanao

 Clearing of Gringo dismays prosecutors - Malaya

Those prosecutors are missing the finer points of quid pro quo . . . or why Gringo will now be pro administration.

*    *    *

Pichay: Teves is a liar - Manila Times

Now all that remains to be seen is who's the bigger liar.

*    *    *

House feud: Five female lawmakers
cast lot with JdV - Manila Standard Today

And JdV seems to have obtained the most important female's nod . . . the one at the Palace.

*    *    *

Where is Bossi? Military confused - GMA News

What is even more confusing is why the military has been making noises about mounting a rescue operation . . . without a clue on Fr. Bossi's coordinates.

*    *    *

Roxas seeks scrutiny of broadband deal - ABS-CBN News

As if it was not hard enough to justify an obviously overpriced deal, DOTC sec Leandro Mendoza now claims that the original copy of the contract was stolen at a hotel while they were still in China.

Who does Mendoza think he is, Lintang Bedol?

*    *    *

COMELEC task force says elections
took place in Maguindanao - ABS-CBN News

That has to be the kind that can only be described as “extra-special elections” . . . where individual voters were allegedly spared the trouble of actually filling out their own ballots.

*    *    *

President orders study on LPG
use in govt fleet - Manila Standard Today

With about 12,000 taxicabs already reportedly running on LPG nationwide, one wonders why it has to take a presidential directive to convert government vehicles to the cheaper, cleaner-burning fuel. Especially since liquified natural gas (LNG) is now pipelined to Batangas from unlimited resources in Palawan. Bottom line: An easy choice between imported and locally-produced fuels.

*    *    *

Marcos stakes claim on prime
Pasig land -
Manila Standard Today

If my recollection is correct, that valuable piece of real estate that Bongbong wants was originally offered to Macoy at a preferential price but all the Ortigas family got in return was a thank you note from Madame Meldy, according to the grapevine at the time. Which could be why Ortigas & Co. also wants it back from PCGG.

*    *    *

Subic builds biggest ship
in the world - Manila Standard Today

The even better news: Hanjin Heavy Industries and Construction Co., the South Korean shipbuilder that invested approximately $1 billion on its Subic facilities last year, is also building a $40 million training center for shipyard workers and expects to employ 30,000 Filipinos in the next five years . . . in addition to the 2,400 locals it has already hired to construct its dry dock.

*    *    *

Pinoy NGO wins British environment award - ABS-CBN News

Kudos to Negros-based Alternative Indigenous Development Foundation, Inc. (AIDFI) for their enhanced version of ram pump technology . . . the basic design of which has been around for some 300 years . . . that they have deployed to bring clean water to over 15,000 residents in remote areas.

*    *    *

'Very funny, stupid,' say bikers
on MMDA’s proposal - GMA News

The intent: To curb robberies, assassinations and other crimes committed by motorcycle-riding men.

The implementation: Paint the motorcycle's license plate numbers on both sides of the motorcyclist's helmet . . . which should be readable from a distance of 25 meters. Which would be readable only if the helmet is enlarged to about 3 times its normal size.

*    *    *

Nograles newest Speaker wannabe - Manila Times

Cong. Nogie's move proves that only traditional politicians . . . despite all their negative baggage . . . can ever win in the speakership derby

*    *    *

‘2 ex-DepEd chiefs hit for cash, favors
by CA members’ - Philippine Daily Inquirer

Not at all surprising because DepEd happens to have the biggest budget.


Moro-moro in Maguindanao

How do you say “moro-moro” in the Maguindanao dialect? However it is said, it is clear that Lintang Bedol . . . who is miscast as the lead actor in the current presentation . . . cannot be expected to win any awards.

The problem lies mainly in the script. Whoever wrote it apparently has more money and power than common sense. And zero understanding of “statistical improbabilities”.

Will the story turn out to have a happy ending? You can count on it if you are on the same wave length as Benjamin Abalos . . . the moro-moro's director who must have millions of reasons for appearing to have lost his ability to count. 


A diet not to die for*

After a man returned from an overseas business trip, he started complaining of chest pains and difficulty in breathing. His doctor . . . a well-known authority on natural cures . . . immediately scheduled him for diagnostic exams and lab tests.

 Waking up four hours later in what looked like a very sterile private room, he picked up the phone and asked to speak with his doctor who told him, “We've had the results back from your tests and we've found out that you have an extremely contagious disease so we have decided to confine you in that isolation room. During your confinement, I can only communicate with you by phone.”

"OK, ” the man said, "But what are you going to do, doctor?"

"Well, the first thing I'll do is put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread."

"Doc, I know that you are a specialist in natural remedies but can pizzas, pancakes and pita bread actually cure me?" asked the man.

The doctor replied, "Well no, but . . . they're the only foods we can get under the door."  

*A heads&tales AnecJoke. Other AnecJokes are here

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